MISHAPS
I was challenged by David B. at Copy/Paste co-op to write tables instead of lore. So today I’m going to write some tables for use in Low Drama, the DUNGEON DEGENERATES RPG or however you see fit. I dislike the clinical nature of so much role-playing game terminology. Sure there are uses for these terms when looking at the mechanics that hold up these systems. However, the technical terminology cuts through the atmosphere of the game (think words like Module, Campaign & Critical Hit) like a doctor’s scalpel. With this I offer you some Mishaps. Note, seasons also affect these charts if you want to go that far. As does day & night. These Mishaps all assume early summer & that the action is happening during the day. These Mishaps are not all designed to tell you exactly what is going on, some can be openings to larger things, others are there to create more atmosphere.
Forest Mishaps. 2d6
2. A dirty little man is out collecting mushrooms, he is singing to himself & quite ignorant of your presence.
Roll 1d6.
1-2. You scare him off, he drops his basket full of barely edible, worm-eaten mushrooms.
3-4. “I told you to leave me alone!” yells the man, spinning around. His eyes are wild, unfocussed & there is spittle dripping from the sides of his mouth. He concentrates & your head is filled with a terrible vibrating, you find yourself unable to do anything as he takes your money & runs off.
5-6. “Mushrooms, you love ‘em, I love ‘em.” He offers to sell you his mushrooms. They aren’t cheap. If ingested they (d6).
1-2. These mushrooms are delicious!
3-4. The mushrooms don’t sit well in your stomach, there is something wrong. Your body violently rejects them.
5-6. The mushrooms taste bitter, the man says, “Sit down & hold on to something, tight!” The world disappears in swirling geometric patterns, as the mushrooms take hold of your mind & your grip on reality is loosened. 8 hours later you feel like you can walk again. The little man has left. You feel like you have glimpsed the true nature of reality. If you could only remember what it was.
3. A circle of boisterous crows are on the ground, feasting on the remains of an unidentifiable mess of gore. The air is thick with flies who buzz loudly.
Roll 1d6
1-2.The crows are so busy feasting they ignore you, the flies however are very interested in your blood.
3-4. The crows won’t move & in their anger call for their friends. Soon the sky is darkened by hundreds of crows that all cry so much nothing can be heard over the racket. The crows begin to attack & you can be chased off with some minor bites & scratches or you can face them & be blinded & then pecked to death.
5-6. The crows fly off revealing the body of a nobleman, his sack of gold is still on his belt, it contains a large sum of money.
4. The trees hold countless hanging corpses in various stages of decay. Some of the bodies are fresh, others are withered & have been rotting, decaying & drying in the air for ages. Layers of scribbled notes, pinned through the bark imply suicide. The atmosphere is overwhelmingly gloomy.
Roll 1d6
1-3. The cadavers sway gently in the breeze from their resting place high above the ground & their ropes creak.
4-6. A teenage girl approaches, crying. She carries a bag. She ignores you, & is determined to finish her morbid mission. If you choose to save her, she reveals that her family is a bunch of wealthy merchants who will reward you handsomely for saving their daughter.
5. A dead mole lies on the ground.
Roll 1d6
1-3. Nothing seems to be out of order, everything is quiet, it is unclear why the mole is dead.
4-6. Imperial Plaguefinders are using poison gas that is heavier than air to kill rats that they suspect of carrying the plague.
6. There are nasty, biting flies here, hungry for your blood. You are distracted.
Roll 1d6
1-3. Luckily nothing is taking this moment to attack you.
4-6. A hungry wolf has been stalking you & uses this window to make her move. Thoroughly distracted by these flies, you are blindsided.
7. The trees are thicker here, they could be hiding almost anything in their shadows.
Roll 1d6
1-2. Luckily, the forest is quiet today.
3-4. You hear rustling in the trees, sounds like a troop making their way through the woods.
Roll 1d6
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Imperial Woodsmen are clearing a new trail, they ask you if you’ve been hunting & demand to see your papers.
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A wild boar & her babies spring out from the trees in front of you.
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The sound ends abruptly.
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Drunken lumberjacks come stumbling out of the forest, they boisterously challenge you to feats of strength.
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A bear explodes out of the woods, startling you. It’s a mother defending her cubs.
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A bunch of animals come running out of the woods, as you brace to see what is chasing them you smell smoke & realize that there is a fire!
5-6. The trees are moving, the path disappears & you find yourself hopelessly lost.
8. A foul smell is on the wind. The scent reminds you of rotting potatoes.
Roll 1d6
1-3. No wonder, there is a crate of rotting potatoes in the middle of the road, when you kick it, rats scatter away.
4-6. You come across a robed corpse of a wandering monk. He appears to have been savagely attacked. His body is bloated & malodorous.
9. The air is cold, a shiver goes down your spine.
Roll 1d6
1-2. Must be wind out of the mountains.
3-4. The faint outline of a phantom hovers in the middle of the road. The spectre stops your passage.
4-6. You come across a horrendous scene. A coach lies on its side, broken & missing wheels. One of the horses is gone, the other is ripped in half, its entrails spread across the way. The passengers of the coach are all dead & in various states of dismemberment. As you assess the situation, you hear a commanding voice assert, “Halt, who goes there?” It’s a cluster of guardsmen & their commander. As they imagine the story they don’t wait for you to explain yourselves, they attack.
10. You hear screams of pain in the distance, you can’t make out if it is a person, an animal or something worse.
Roll 1d6
1-2. The screams stop, there is no sign of where they came from.
3-4. You come across a rustic slaughterhouse nestled in the woods. You can hear the screams of animals & the clank of chains. There are flies everywhere.
5-6. A caravan of peasants is tied up & being tormented by Goblins. Upon seeing you, the peasants cry for help & the Goblins spin around & prepare to fight you.
11. The path is overgrown here & it soon disappears in the tangle of the undergrowth. You hear the howling of wolves in the distance.
12. A small pile of filthy rags lays in the middle of the path.
Roll 1d6
1-2. Upon kicking it, the pile appears to just be some filthy rags, wonder why they’re here?
3-4. As you approach the rags get up & shake like a dog, it’s some kind of rag creature!
5-6. The rags are hiding the body of an urchinous woman. She smells heavily of alcohol, & barely stirs as you inspect the rags,
Farmland Mishaps. 2d6
2. There is a cleared field of corn. The cornstalks are gathered into shocks, conical bundles of drying plants.
Roll 1d6
1-2. Drunken yokels are hiding behind the corn, waiting to attack whoever passes by.
3-4. A shoeless, shirtless wildman is setting the shocks on fire! He is too excited by the fire to notice you.
5-6. Something could easily be hiding behind the shocks, watching you. But if there is, you haven’t seen them yet.
3. You come across an old table along the side of the road, a series of horrifically carved pumpkins arranged in a line on it.
4. The sky is filled with crows, there are so many that they almost blacken the sky. Their cawing is deafening.
Roll 1d6
1-2. It is unclear why there are so many crows, nothing seems unusual otherwise.
2-3. You smell smoke & feel the heat of the woods burning. The forest is on fire!
4-6. The crows are gathering around a crumbling, decrepit tower. They seem to be being called there.
5. A seedy looking farmer & his young, tough farmhands are working at the side of the road. They pause their work & size you up, they are probably drunk. They mumble unintelligible things, but keep their distance.
6.There are orchards of apples here, stretching for miles. The fruits look particularly delicious. Bell shaped, light green & red Glockenapfel entice you.
Roll 1d6
1-2. You take enough apples to last a bit & no one stops you, free food!
3-4. As you begin picking apples, you hear, “Those aren’t free you know!” A lady farmer comes rushing towards you, looking angry.
5-6. The apples are wormy with a texture like oatmeal. You hold back the contents of your stomach spitting out the chewed fruit.
7. Fields of ripening pumpkins surround you. A shifty looking scarecrow seems to be moving too much.
Roll 1d6
1-2. It’s just an ordinary, but particularly hideous scarecrow. The wind must be strong today.
3-4. The scarecrow is full of crows that fly away as you approach.
4-6. As you walk towards it, the scarecrow tries to run away but it is attached to the pole firmly.
8. The sun is particularly hot today, a skinny dog with a slice of pizza in its mouth begins following you from a distance.
9. A lone cabbage is in the middle of the road, maybe it fell off a wagon?
10. You pass a low, stone wall, a wild-eyed, wild haired man wearing only a potato sack yells at you. The fool yells insults at you, there is a turnip on the ground.
11. An ornate wagon that transports a tiny house sits next to the road, a well groomed pony grazes next to it. The wagon advertises, “Dr. Mondo’s Kabinet of Kuriousity” in ornate, swirling lettering & numerous magical symbols surround it. The smoke slowly trailing from the wagon’s smokestack indicates that someone is home.
12. The sky grows dark with rainclouds. You hear the rumble of thunder in the distance. The air smells like ozone, your hair starts to raise & suddenly, the sky cracks open & a nearby tree explodes as it is struck by lightning.
1-2. The storm passes quickly leaving you only minorly wet.
3-4. A huge downpour erupts soaking all of you & everything you are carrying.
5. Another bolt of lightning strikes uncomfortably close to you, it’s too close for comfort. You try to find something taller than you & wait the storm out.
6. Everything crackles around you & you are struck by a bolt of lightning. Spend one luck or explode.
Wasteland Mishaps 2d6
2. Sinister clouds gather on the horizon, but the land is parched, cracked.
Roll 1d6.
1-3. The ground turns to mud, soaking up the rain.
4-6. The parched land has no opportunity to absorb such an enormous amount of water. A flash flood rushes toward you.
3. Did you see the rocks move on their own? The stones appear to creep towards you when you aren’t looking straight at them.
Roll 1d6.
1-2. You must have been seeing things. Picking up a rock, it appears to be a normal rock.
3-4. Upon closer inspection the rocks are some sort of crustaceous creature. There must be hundreds of them around you, maybe they are good to eat?
4. There has been no sign of animals for hours. The land rumbles underneath your feet, there is a terrible grinding sound.
1-2. As you wait for something larger to follow, nothing happens, you are pleased.
3-4. That was just a foreshock leading into a much larger, nastier earthquake. The ground around you cracks & you must be aware to avoid falling in.
5-6. The dust settles & you notice something just off the road. The earthquake has uncovered a shiny crystal!
5. You hear a tremendous thundering in the distance. Scanning the horizon you see an enormous cloud of dust being kicked up by a seemingly endless herd of shaggy bavol (Yak like creatures).
You can try to find a rocky outcropping to avoid them, or you can be trampled to death facing the herd. If you decide not to die, this would be a good opportunity to pick off a bavol or six.
6. A circle of krultures feast on the gory remains of something recently killed.
Roll 1d6.
1-2. The krultures scatter as you approach showing the skinny carcass of a starved dog. The krultures have eaten all the soft parts.
3-4. The krultures fly off, but land nearby, anticipating more meat. A great & terrible wild beast with lots of sharp teeth & claws approaches & growls as it lumbers toward you.
5-6. The krultures don’t want to leave their feast, but after some waving of weapons & yelling
they disperse, revealing the delicious-looking, barely eaten carcass of a Bavol (a yak).
7. The bleaching bones of unrecognizable beasts lay scattered on the ground. The air is warm & the bloodflies are more annoying than usual.
Roll 1d6.
1-3. Nothing happens, the bloodflies are obnoxious, taking opportunistic bites of you.
4-6. A voice emanates from the bones, whispering, “Death takes us all, you’ll soon find out.”
8. A solemn procession of weary looking pilgrims, lashing themselves, marches slowly past you. The center of their number carry a shrine to one of the many child saints.
There are many pilgrims, they will fight if provoked, but they are weak & encumbered.
9. You pass a travelling circus that has set up next to the road. There is a big, striped tent, games of chance, a fortune teller, caged animals & freaks on display. You feel the call of distraction.
10. Massive megaliths flank either side of the road, remnants of an ancient civilization. The rocks resonate towards you. You feel like you should leave an offering.
11. Barbarian hunters are returning from their trip with the limp body of a lizard man killed & strung up on a pole they carry between them. They wear armor & carry weapons that have been fashioned from previous reptilian foes. They seem uninterested in you.
12. Enterprising Goblins have set up a table selling cups of a disgusting liquid. The Goblins extoll the virtues of this drink with frenzied enthusiasm, claiming to have drunk an enormous amount themselves.
Roll 1d6
1-2. The drink tastes foul, & you choke it down & wait for something to happen but it has no effect.
3-4. As the drink hits your throat, you wonder why you allow such a foul concoction into your body. As soon as it hits your stomach your body rejects it, out of any holes that are available.
5-6. Amazingly, the Goblins weren’t lying! As soon as the drink hits your tongue, you start to feel invigorated, full of amazing energy.
Swampland Mishaps 2d6
2. The croaking of scrogs is deafening, the air is stagnant & humid, the smell, like rotten eggs, is disgusting.
3. A series of rickety boardwalks have been built out over the waters. Where they lead to is obscured by heavy mist.
Roll 1d6
1-2. An albino scrog scampers along the walkway into the mists. Something tells you that having seen it is one level of luck, but capturing it is another thing.
3-4. A sign next to the boardwalk points out into the swamp & says, “Castle Bubblerook”
5-6. A tall, skinny figure in a top hat & overcoat is fishing. He has a bucket to hold his catch next to him. He notices you & pauses his fishing. Just then something enormous bits his line & pulls him into the water.
4. Bubbling pools are on either side of you, the smell is awful, like unwashed, moldy clothes. The incessant sound of the popping bubbles hides the sound of an enormous, croaking Bullscrog that is hunting you.
5. The road is covered in a hatch of scroglings, they cover everything & make travel by foot very slippery.
6. The mists are interrupted by the sudden presence of little burning balls of ghostly energy. The locals call these bog wisps. The bog wisps hover in the air & make small patterns like houseflies in slow motion. Their presence indicates that something is going to happen or already has.
Roll 1d6
1-2. The bog wisps bob & weave playfully. Normally ominous omens, they seem more playful & lighten the mood.
3-4. You come across a half submerged graveyard. The headstones arise out of the swampy waters & various birds use them as perches to hunt. The bog wisps seem right at home.
5-6. A robed figure with a little servant carrying an enormous open book emerges from the mist & is walking towards you. As he approaches you can make out that his servant is distinctly not human & is chained to his master. The robed figure carries a staff with a skull on the top, his face is obscured by a hood. The pair give off sinister energy.
7. There is an old stone entrance to… something, here. The doorway is flanked on either side by monstrous statues of some unidentifiable, menacing creatures. The stairs lead down under the muck.
If you choose to enter roll 1d6.
1-2. The stairs go down to a dark, dank room where a mummified warlord sits on a crumbling throne, anything of value was looted long ago.
3-4. You go down into the entrance room of a vast network of passage ways. Doors lead in all directions.
5-6. Creeping down the stairs you see the warm glow of torches that line either side of the pathway leading to an enormous statue of some bellicose, bizarre, bloated blasphemy. Shirtless, bald-headed Cultists are busily arranging a sacrifice on an altar to notice you. The sacrifice comes into focus as you watch.
Roll 1d6
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It’s baskets of delicious-looking food.
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They are pinning down a struggling ox.
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They have prepared a couple cauldrons of lentil soup.
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They are arranging papier-mache effigies of valuables.
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They have several cages filled with ornate song birds.
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They are tying a squirming child.
8. A group of shabby people carrying long, forked spears & sacks are walking through the muck, occasionally they strike scrogs & dump them in their bags.
9. You come across six enormous rectangular cement pools that are filled with scrogs. This is a scrog farm - no one seems to be here, just countless croaking scrogs. The different enclosures hold scrogs separated by size. From tiny scroglins to massive bullscrogs. There is a sturdy looking shed nearby filled with shelves brimming with scrog pellets, nets & stacks of baskets.
10. A horrible smell is followed by thick, green mist, the air is full of this disgusting contaminant.
Roll 1d6
1-2. It is unclear where this rotten fog is coming from & outside from corrupting your nostrils, there seems to be no other effect.
3-4. You come across a lone factory belching the obnoxious cloud. The building is lined with windows, but they are all 12 feet up. There is a main door & a loading dock on the opposite side. The building is surrounded by gravel-covered grounds.
5-6. The fumes emanate from the gaping mouth of a whale-sized scrogoliath! The creature has been killed & is being stripped of its blubber by men wearing rubber waders & using massive blades. They ignore you & work hard.
11. The land here is unusually dry for a swamp.
Roll 1d6
1-2. You come across an enormous pipeline that appears to be diverting the water… somewhere.
3-4. It’s just parched, you can’t figure out why.
5-6. There is a little hill on top of which is perched a little church. You hear the faint sound of joyous music.
12. A warm foul breeze that smells like rotting fish & the inside of swamp boots washes over you. You can see the outline of an enormous whale sized scrogoliath breathing heavily. The scrogoliath has covered its blubberous body in mud to keep cool. The creature ignores you, scroliath’s eat enormous mouthfuls of swamp mud & digest the lot of it, leaving enormous steaming pools of excrement in their wake.
City Mishaps. 2d6
2. What are obviously Goblins in terrible disguises have set up a “lemonade” stand.
3. A shifty man in an overcoat stops you & glancing over his shoulder says, “Pssst! Wanna buy a” Roll 1d6
1.Watch?” He displays a wide selection of pocket watches on chains that hang on the inside of his jacket.
2. “Gun?” He brings out a folding case that has a built-in table. There are several shiny pieces carefully displayed.
3. Jar of Scrog Eyes?” He gestures to his table displaying many containers of the esteemed delicacy.
4. Figurine of one of the saints?” He whispers, pointing to a stand covered in religious paraphernalia, manned by his son.
5. Bag of Scratch?” (Scratch is a highly addictive Narcotic that leaves people loving the drug more than life itself.)
6. Werewolf repellent?" He brings out a bag of herbs that smells strongly, it isn’t clear of what. “Guarenteed to keep them away. A mix of pungent herbs.”
4. Kaboom! An enormous explosion causes everyone to whip around & run for cover.
Roll 1d6
1-2. You find a smoking barrel, damn kids!
3-4. A nearby manhole cover has been blown off & a thick black smoke is dumping out of the sewers.
5-6. A factory across the road has flames licking the windows from the inside. As you gain your wits, there is another, larger explosion that blows out the glass.
5. Leatherbound men with whips are running pigs into the slaughterhouse.
6. An unruly mob of peasants have hoisted a woman wearing a ridiculous hat, tied to a chair over their heads & are carrying her off. A bystander says, “They caught another witch.” His smaller, more unruly-looking friend looks over your group to see if any of you are worth burning too.
A wild procession of peasants carry a poorly constructed statue of Adelbert Eier, a folk hero of the people, represented by chickens & eggs. The crowd is drunk, throwing eggs at everyone & unloading bags of feathers into the air. The mob pulls you into their mad parade.
8. The streets are filled with people drinking heavily & carousing. They have brought long tables, loaded with heavy foods into the street. There is a loud band playing, people are dancing & everyone is lost in the moment.
9. There is excrement all over the street. The smell is terrible.
Roll 1 d6
1-2. The scatological transgressor is nowhere to be seen.
3-4. The foul trail leads to an open sewer hole. The mess takes the form of clawed footprints the closer to the portal they get.
5-6. A mad man, not wearing any pants covered in his own waste, rushes towards you. He has poopy fingers.
10. Robed adherents of the Cult of No Man, hurry past you. They are totally covered, you cannot see their faces or anything.
11. A bedraggled looking young tough is being dragged through the street in irons by Imperial police. The people around him take a moment to yell insults & hurl rotten vegetables at him. The prisoner is a mess, he looks to have taken many larger, harder vegetables to the face. He is bleeding from his mouth & nose & his eyes are swollen shut.
12. The street is plagued by an infestation of
Roll 1d6
1-2. Buzzing, biting flies.
3-4. Scroglings, there must have been a hatch!
5-6. Rats, they might be running from something.